Death and Dying

Now, how is that for an eye-catching, appealing title!! Not so much, huh? But that is where I was all day yesterday with a friend whose mother is in critical condition.

What yesterday did for me was to take me back a few months to the whole dying process of my mother I experienced. I don't know if that happens to all families, but I am seeing a deja vu sort of happening with me. What I observed was the damage of expectations. When a loved one is in the dying process several things happen among family members, not the least of which are expectations. Some are perceived and others are real. But in either case, expectations are imprisoning.

Expectations: I need to be sitting up there every minute......just in case. My family will think I don't care if I go ahead and go to CO to take care of my grandchildren as promised. I haven't been there to visit her often enough. I need to call so and so. I shouldn't be so vulnerable and say how I am really feeling about all of this. ............and the list goes on and on.

When I was having to make a hard decision about going out of town when Mother was so gravely ill, I asked one of the doctors what he thought about it. He said, "Go! You have to keep living with the living and do what God has called you to do. No man knows if she will die in 1 hour, 1 day, 1 month, but most likely not in 1 year. So, Go." Then he reminded me of what Jesus said to a 'would-be' follower of His. Let the dead bury the dead!! That was such wise counsel. I have been able to share that with others who are caring for their elderly parents. (I do not mean to imply that my other siblings, etc. were the dead and were to bury her, but I took from that the wisdom to follow what God was telling me to do, which was minister to the living who needed me at that time.)

And in His perfect timing, she did die when I was on vacation in Jackson Hole, WY with my husband and our precious, godly friends who were of such a great help to me. I was actually able to complete our time there, fly home and be here for her funeral the next day. It was such a good thing that we had made her arrangements over three years before when Daddy was in the dying process, after we made his arrangements with the funeral director.

So, I suppose my final thoughts (at least for right now) are: 1) Kill expectations. Or, at the very least, give them to God. Psa 62:5 - My expectations are in the LORD and in Him only do I hope. 2) Save yourself (or more importantly, your loved ones) a lot of grief and plan ahead for your death. One out of one dies!! Make your burial/funeral arrangements now!! (I have no stock in any funeral home, by the way. This is not a commercial.)